I miss him
by masterreader
Summary: Alone at home, Bella wonders why Edward is working late? What will Edward do? Rated M for lemon
1. I miss him

For those of you still out there, I really don't know what to say except that I am sorry for the wait. I had no idea if I was even going to finish this story. I reread the three chapters so far and I saw a lot of mistakes. I am going to fix them and hopefully be able to finish this story. I have a three-hour wait between classes today so that is what I will be doing for three hours. Fixing my mistakes and hopefully adding a chapter or two in the next day.

Disclaimer: I don't own these characters but they keep me happy when my day is rainy and sad.

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Sinking my hands in the soapy water to clean the remaining dishes, I let my mind wander. He's late tonight, just like he has been every night for the last few weeks. He's been late before, but this time it just seems different. Maybe he finally gave up on us having a baby. Maybe someone new, a distraction caught his eye at work. Maybe I'm just crazy and the poor man really does have to work. Whatever the reason may be I miss him. My body aches for his and my heart seems to be losing its rhythm without his to follow. I love him, just like I've loved him my entire life, just like I will continue to love him until my last breath. He's my husband, my soul mate, my life.

I quickly finish washing the dishes and put his dinner away. I fix myself some warm tea and go into the living room and sit down on the couch. But my thoughts and insecurities worm their way into my head once again. Why is he acting like this? We haven't made love for more then a month now. He never lets us wait this long. Am I not enough for him anymore? As these questions take place in my head, tears effortlessly flow down my face.

I miss him.

I put the cup of tea on the table and lay down on the couch. I look at the clock in front of me and notice that it's ten at night. An hour later then when he said he would be home. Maybe I am not home anymore.

_I find myself in a beautiful meadow surrounded by wildflowers of every color. Red, orange, violet, blue, and every other color in between. Its breathtaking yet humble at the same time. I feel small yet meaningful. I feel at peace. I sit down and just gaze at the view. The beauty that I see shatters me. A little boy and little girl hold hands and pick flowers. Their backs are facing me. The boy seems bigger than girl but by only a year or so. She breaks away from him and chases away a butterfly. She trips and falls and starts crying. The boy runs to her and hugs while whispering something in her ear. She looks up at him like he's her hero and kisses his check. The little boy helps her stand up and picks her some flowers. I feel tears running down my face. I want them. As if feeling my gaze on them they turn their attention towards me. They are beautiful. They look so much alike that it's scary. They are clearly brother and sister. The boy waves at me and says "don't worry mama, we're coming"._

And with those words they disappear and I wake up with a startled cry with even more tears coming down.

I look at the clock once again and find it past midnight. I hear thunder and a flash of lighting sparks the air. The storm is raging both outside and in. I fall back down on the coach and try to catch my breath from my dream. I feel weird all of a sudden. The hairs on my arm stand up and shivers run down my spine. Someone is here and watching me. I turn my head to the other sofa and find him sitting down with his head in his hands staring at me. His green eyes stare into mine and sadden within seconds.

"Bad dream?" he asks in a voice so rich I melt.

"No, it was wonderful" I reply back. My voice is soft yet there is a hint of anger and frustration in it.

"Then why are you crying, love?" he asks. At the mention of his pet name for me, I break down.

"Be… bee... because I woke up.. pp" I choke while the dam breaks and my tears come flooding in. When he sees even more tears, he rushes over to me and takes me in his arms. I instantly feel better and I am angry with that because I know it's his touch that always calms me. Maybe I didn't want to be calm right now.

"Is reality really that bad that you want to escape to dreamland?" he questions with a hint of hurt in his voice.

"Yeah I guess it is when you have no one to share reality with. When you feel unwanted and like a heavy burden" I reply back. I am tired all of a sudden and just want to sleep. I don't want to talk about this because I couldn't help feeling that my reality became a nightmare.

I feel him tense up behind me and he lets out a shaky breath.

"You have me, love. You always have me", he whispers in my ear. He is also crying now. I hurt because he's hurt.

I turn in his arms and look up in his eyes. They are in pain and tears are freely running down. He seems lost.

"I haven't had you in a while now. I don't know where you went or if you still want me. I feel like I lost you somewhere. I miss you." I whisper back to him while the storm continues to rage on outside. His shaky hands come up to my face and cup my cheek. His slowly kisses my face everywhere. He is murmuring something, which I don't understand. When he reaches my ear, his " I'm so sorry, I love you, I love you" becomes clear and warms my heart. He lips reach my mouth slowly as if he's afraid.

He kisses me sweetly at first, but when I open my mouth to let him in his hunger becomes clear. His hand clamps down on my face and he devours me. I feel his frustration, his anger, his sadness, but most of all his love in his kiss. I return the kiss with everything that I am.

I don't realize that he has moved us from the couch until I am air born, and he is going up the stairs to our bedroom. He sets me down and breaks the kiss.

"My Bella, I know that I have been gone but know this. Everything that I do, I do for you". With those words he takes off my shirt and jeans, leaving me only in my underwear. He reaches behind me and unhooks my bra and than kneels before me. He slowly peels off my panties and carries me to bed. While I make myself comfortable he rushes to take off his clothes and comes back to lie on top on me. He moves in to kiss me again and I lose myself in him. As he pushes in me, I feel safe and loved. We have a lot to talk about but for now we let our bodies do the talking. He forces me to come so many times I fear that I might just fall asleep from exhaustion. He is prolonging this and I fear that he is punishing himself for being gone so long. I want him to come with me before we fall into oblivion so I say the one thing that I know will get the job done.

"I'm pregnant Edward."


	2. I need her

**For those of you still out there, I really don't know what to say except that I am sorry for the wait. I had no idea if I was even going to finish this story. I reread the three chapters so far and I saw a lot of mistakes. I am going to fix them and hopefully be able to finish this story. I have a three-hour wait between classes today so that is what I will be doing for three hours. Fixing my mistakes and hopefully adding a chapter or two in the next day.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own these characters but they keep me happy when my day is rainy and sad.**

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God, I need to go home and just be with her. This is becoming too much for me to handle, and I wonder how she feels. I know that she has been feeling unhappy, and the way I see it is that it's my job to make her happy. And I haven't been doing my job.

We meet when we were in diapers and I knew she was meant me even then. We have had a wonderful life up until we started trying for a baby. Every negative sign, every tear, every "its ok, we will try next month" feels like a knife to the heart. It's not her fault and it's not mine. Maybe it just wasn't meant to be. But when I look into her eyes, I know that I would rather live through hell then see her unhappy.

Which brings us back to work. I have a surprise for her and hopefully a baby as well. I read somewhere online that stress and the environment can prevent pregnancy. So what better way to get pregnant then to get away from all of that? I have planned a month long second honeymoon of sorts. But I can't get a month off until I work my ass off and make sure that everything is up and running for when I go and when I come back. So I have been working and missing my wife. I feel like this might work for us. I would do anything for her.

By the time that I leave, I feel like a huge load has been lifted from my shoulders. My honeymoon will start in a couple of days and I am off of work for the next 6 weeks. Sweet, everything is going as it is.

I get home around 10:30 and the storm outside is picking up. I need to get inside where its warm and my wife is waiting for me. When I reach the house, everything is quiet. I wonder where she is. I bypass the living room and go straight to the kitchen. It is spotless, yet there in no wife there. I go upstairs to our bedroom, yet she isn't there. I am getting worried now. Where is she? As I run down the stairs, I come to a stop before me. There lying down on the couch is a angle. She is breathtaking. Even after all this time, she takes my breath away.

I sit in the chair across from her and just admire her. This is my favorite thing to do, and I have been too tired to do this lately. I notice that there are dried tears on her face and I feel even worse. I know that it's because of me and I would rather die then see her cry. When she cries, my heart cries. I wipe the remaining tears with my thumb, and she has a peaceful smile on her face. I stay looking at her for God knows how long.

After a while she wakes up with a startled cry. She looks around and as if she can feel my eyes on her, she looks my way. I look into her eyes and once again her pain and my guilt charge through me. I hate that I have done this to her.

"Bad dream?" I ask her while I feel like my own tears will make an entrance as well.

"No, it was wonderful" she replies back. Her voice is soft yet there is a hint of anger and frustration in it. I feel like shit.

"Then why are you crying, love?" I ask. When she hears my term for her, the dam breaks and she is crying louder and harder than before.

"Be… bee... because I woke up.. pp" she chokes back to me. I jump over to where she is sitting down and take her in my arms. I can't deal with her tears. She's in pain and so am I.

"Is reality really that bad that you want to escape to dreamland?" I ask fearing the answer. Maybe she finally gave up on my sorry ass. Maybe by trying to fix this, I broke us.

"Yeah I guess it is when you have no one to share reality with. When you feel unwanted and a heavy burden" she replies back.

Those words will forever burn in my heart. Have I really been that much of an insensitive bastard that she thinks that she is unwanted? Someone shot me now.

"You have me, love. You always have me", I whisper in her ear. The tears finally came in and I hurt. I have hurt this angel in my arms and I deserve to burn.

She turns in my arms and looks up into my eyes. Her beautiful eyes are sad and the tears are never ending.

"I haven't had you in a while now. I don't know where you went or if you still want me. I feel like I lost you somewhere. I miss you.," she whispers to me in a voice so small that I strain to hear it.

I cup her cheek and slowly start to kiss her everywhere. I whisper to her that I am sorry and that I love her. I love her with everything in me. I reach her lips and slowly start to kiss her in fear that she might not want that. I start slow at first, but when she opens her mouth to let me in, my hunger takes over. I need her.

I devour her. I have not concept of time or where I am. All I know is that I need to take this to our bedroom. Somehow I make it up there without dropping her. Clothes are shed and our love is reconfirmed with skin. Once I am inside her, it becomes my goal to make her come as many times as possible. I need to make up for all the pain and the time that I spent away from her. I feel my orgasm building but I don't allow my self that pleasure. She knows that and I can see and feel her trying to make me come.

"I'm pregnant", she whispers in my ear. And I can't hold it anymore. The earth stops moving and its only me and her. Upon hearing those words, my body releases my pleasure, my love, my seed. I come for what feels like forever and blackness starts to creep around my vision. I collapse on my wife and allow the darkness to overtake me. I am home and I found her.


	3. Together

**For those of you still out there, I really don't know what to say except that I am sorry for the wait. I had no idea if I was even going to finish this story. I reread the three chapters so far and I saw a lot of mistakes. I am going to fix them and hopefully be able to finish this story. I have a three-hour wait between classes today so that is what I will be doing for three hours. Fixing my mistakes and hopefully adding a chapter or two in the next day.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own these characters but they keep me happy when my day is rainy and sad.**

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**BPOV**

Ok, so maybe that wasn't the best way to tell him that I was pregnant. But in my defense if I hadn't, then he would have punished himself forever. Of that, I was sure. He seemed to come forever and my god, the look in his eyes when he realized what I had said was one that I would, could, never forget. He either passed out or fainted. Knowing my husband and his desire to give me everything I wanted, I would say that he fainted because he finally gave me a child. I know that he blamed himself for our lack of children, but it wasn't either of our faults. I truly believe that God has a plan for everything, and I forgot that in our quest to get pregnant.

I hugged his body closer to mine. His warmth and strength seemed to flow into me at that moment. All doubts and insecurities that I had earlier left my body with each breath that I let out, and replaced instead with hope and love as I breathed him in. I felt truly blessed in this moment. We were Edward and Bella. We would get through everything. We always have and I truly believe that we always will.

I started to drift off. As long as Edward was breathing then I had nothing to worry about. We would discuss this momentous blessing when he woke up. I snuggled closer to my soul mate and let the promise of tomorrow sing me to sleep.

I woke up to light kisses on my shoulders and neck. I smiled and snuggled closer into his chest. It seems that my husband was awake.

"I know that you are awake, love. Now all you have to do is open those beautiful eyes of yours. I need to see them." His voice was smooth and flawless which lead me to believe that he was up for a while now.

I slowly raised my head up and was met with blazing emeralds. He lowered his head and have me a sweet kiss.

"Now either I was dreaming or I heard you correctly last night. Tell me love what you told me last night." He said. The tone in his voice was one of hope with a tint of fear.

I took his hand and lowered it to my lower belly where our child rested.

"You heard correctly daddy. In 8 months time, our baby will grace us with their presence." I told him softly worrying that if I was louder, the tranquil atmosphere will disappear.

He didn't say anything but his smile and the tears in his eyes spoke volumes. He was happy, ecstatic, and proud. He gave us what we've been praying for. He gently pushed me on my back and crawled down my body. His fingers were worshipful and his eyes reverent. His face hovered over my belly, and his started his pilgrimage with soft kisses mixed in with his tears. My eyes started watering at the sight before me. He seemed almost lost in his happiness. He kissed every inch of my skin and he started speaking. He thanked me for what I had given him. He thanked God for this blessing. But the words that he spoke to our child caused my heart to stop and start beating again. He promised the baby everything and anything. He pledged his love for the baby and me. He spent at least 15 minutes worshipping our baby. When he finally looked up to me and started crawling back, he kissed sweetly at first, but when the lust and happiness over took him he consumed me. It felt like he was trying to infuse us together. We joined our bodies again without any more words between his. He cried while he loved me. He swore through choked sobs that he would do anything for our child and me all the while keeping the rhythm between us. We came together with tears between us. When we finished, he held me tightly. We stayed like that for what felt like forever. I could tell he was struggling with something.

" When I first told you I loved you, I spoke the truth. I thought I knew what love was. But what we have right now is not love. I have neither the words nor the capacity to express this overwhelming feeling I have for you. Bella, I don't think that the word love is enough. I worship you. I adore you. You are the beat of my heart that keeps me alive and the light that helps me see. Bella, our souls are bathed together. I can't even try to explain the happiness and over all joy that is coursing through my body right now. I could tell you I love you but its not enough. You and I were made for each other. I simply can't function without you anymore. My love, you are the blood that flows through my veins, the nourishment that my body needs. Bella I am nothing without you. Baby you are everything to me." He cried.

His tears and my tears were mixed together. The words that he spoke were what I believed. What we have was too big to be explained as love.

"Edward, baby I have no words for what we have. I truly believe that we are one. Nothing can explain the feelings that rush through me when you are near. Baby, the feelings that I have for you are as close to heavenly as I can get. We are soul mates, you and I. As long as I have you I have everything." I told him as I hugged his body closer to me.

After our declarations we stayed like that. I had everything I needed. We may have strayed from the line of fate for a little bit, but we came back and we came together. We were Edward and Bella. There is no one without the other. We were each other's home. I love him and he loved me and together we would love the child that we created. I found him again even though he was never gone.


End file.
